Temporary life

It is not about money, nor about fame, neither your treasures or luxury. Life - in this earth, is just so so temporary. Eventually, we will break into million dusts. And the true life, awaits us. It is being prepared by our loving God. A perfect and flawless world, no fears, no discriminations, no rich and poor, no pretty and ugly, no smart and dumb. ALL ARE EQUAL. LIFE IS FAIR. Most of all, no sadness, Everyone ARE HAPPY.

Today, tomorrow, and the following days to come. We shall fill it with love for one another. Enjoy your family and friends than be frustrated and stressed at work. Plan the coming years to lend some help to those in needs, than planning to expand your properties.

Studying for 20 years, is it worth it? Then, working for another 40 years, until you get weak. 60 years. We are trying our best so we can climb up in this temporary world. But only few are seeking for true wisdom, true treasures, real happiness and endless life.

Printed papers called money. Peaple are killing one another just to have these papers. Papers. No matter what, the value of these papers are Zero. Soon, all of these stuffs that people considered as treasure will be burned. It will become meaningless, and no value at all. But the souls, of those people, who caused harms or pains to other people just because of this, will pay.

I know. I always know it. But how come, in myself, I still cannot fully understand and follow it. The heart and mind is strong, but the body is weak.

But I always say it. I do not need more money, fame, luxurious house and car. I just wanted a simple life, so so simple life, together with my family and enjoying every little things with them. Feeling each other arms everyday. Rejoicing over blessings. Id like our family to be closer to God. Id like to change myself for being a mere human who cannot forget pains and sins of others towards me.

Id like to forgive those people who betrayed me. People who talk shits at my back. People who lied to me. Those who spoke words that broke my heart. Those who used to laugh at me. Those who do not believe in my sincerity. People who looked down on me. Those who wants to take me down and wants others to hate me for telling lies about me.

Id like to forgive you. But I do not know how. My mind wanted to, but the heart still feel the pain. Maybe, I can forgive you, if you correct your mistakes, and face it. I can forgive you if you sincerely ask for forgiveness. My heart is burdensome. I know, if I forgive you, I will be free from hatred. And will loose the weights that I am carrying.

Humans. We think we are smart. But we are so so dumb. We really do not know why we are here. what for, what is this place, and what is the real purpose of life.

You and me. Me and you. We need to know more. SO so.

BACKSTABBER

I think, all of us encountered this kind of human.

And my story? It was ridiculous.

Funny. After all the real goodness I showed to this person, my honesty and sincerity. I can't believe it. Para lang makuha nya yung gusto nyang pansin at attention from those persons who are more close to me than her, she let me so deep DOWN. She really crushed me into pieces. IT HURTS & it really broke me, I WAS SHATTERED.

I dunnow how should I call myself. I always trust a person so much. So much that even I tell my whole life, no secrets, I show all my kindness and even show how crazy I am. But in the end, toot.. toot. toot.. BLAG!

I have never imagined before that I will actually came across with this kind of person. I don't know why, and I don't know how they can cook  a story to bring out a sour dish to make people hate me. (Cook ang term ko kasi they pick a topic then add ingredients, even add stuffs that should not be added) Such a BAD CHEF huh!

I trusted this person, even pity her! She felt left out, and Unloved by the person she need the most. She told me everything and even cried in front of me. To cheer her up, I always tell my story, my Ups and Downs. I went to her when I need a hand to help me out, she tried her best to help me. That was I know. She tried her best to help me. Ang di ko alam. She was trying her best to Ruined me.

Before,  have no idea why she did that. But I realized afterwards. Then, I pity her. She was full of jealous and envious. Ginawa nya  yon para magmuka syang mabait sa taong gusto nyang mapalapit sakanya. Siniraan nya ko. Simpleng simple. Binabaligtad nya mga sinasabi ko. And pag kaharap nya ako, siniraan naman nya yung tao na yun.

There are numbers of people na nagalit sakin, but eventually, they have learned the truth. Except for only 1 person. That is her MWP (Most wanted person). Matagal na kasi nya gusto mapalapit sa taong yon. She felt na hindi sya mahal nito kasi she didn't get much attention from her. Ang bait ko.
In the end, naisip ko. Siguro ako yung way para magkalapit sila. And yeah, they become close. I am happy then. Hindi ko na siniwalat ang mga kasinungalingan nya. Even this one person hated me for no valid reason, tinanggap ko kahit masakit. Ayoko na sirain ang ngayon palang nagsisimulang magandang relation between them.

Masakit lang kasi, after long years? I tried to forgive her, even the pain is still there. But,
she stabbed me for the second time. And this time, I don't even know what should I call her.

Alam mo yung tipong 

"Wag nyo nalang ipapaalam na sinabi ko, sana satin satin nalang, ayokong magalit sya sakin, hayaan nalang natin.. ako nalang and iintindi at magpapasensya.." (With an abandoned-cat-face-style). F**k! Sya pa daw ang iintindi? at magpapasensya? Saan?? Anong ginawa ko?! 

Scary di ba?? Ganyan sila! Ganyan ka nila dudurugin. 

Then when she turn to your face. (With a sheep-looking-innocent-face) 

"Nako, alam mo, ganon talaga yun, wag mo nalang pansinin. Luluha ka ng dugo dun".

She already have her MWP in her life. And this person hated me much for the second time.
Ok lang sana e, but it is quite a complex situation. I will bump into her whether I like it or not. No matter how hard I tried to please her (si MWP nya) of course, she won't believe me 'cause she hates me. And there's nothing I can do for her to like me. I felt that no matter what I do, in her eyes, MALI lahat yon. No Exception. I accept that, it is her opinion anyway.

Balik tayo kay backstabber.
Before, I really wanna slap her and prove to them na mali sya. Gusto ko din putulin ang sinungaling nyang dila! Plastik to the Highest level! Grabe attitude nya. Immature. Liar. Backstabber. Inggitera. Paawa effect. Blamer. waaaah! lahat na nasakanya! Sana magbago pa sya.. I pity her for being unhappy. I believe that once you are breaking someone's heart, ruining someone's life, it means you're not happy with your own life.

For now on, I will think like how my husband think. "Just ignore them. Just Don't care"
As long as you think you're not doing anything wrong, you don't have to defend yourself.
Even they stabbed you a hundred times, don't let them affect you.

I have learned from my experiences that you don't have to adjust a lot, or to change yourself so people will like you. The people who truly loves you, will accept who you are no matter what!

And as I know, one day, they will learn the truth. they will realize all those stupid things they have done and will eventually regret it..

Is it hard to raise a baby away from your Partner?

... How should I start? Hindi na yata ko sanay magBLOG. >.<

Well, yeah, 3 or 4 years since my last blog huh.. and now, I have a 1 year old beautiful daughter ~_^

Isn't she pretty? Look at my own pic, hurry!
What??! Doesn't look like me huh? --- big YEAH. my hubby's look alike, 98%. Most people say, at least she got your gender. LOL

Why I am raising her away from hubby?
NO no, we're not separated. and BIG NO that he left us!
any other answer? .....yeah! your thought is just absolutely right! He's working abroad =)
The fact that you NEED a partner to raise your kid, is, 100% true, but, as a MOM, as a wonder mom, Super MOM, it is possible to raise her into a fine child, a good child, a loving daughter / son even miles away from him.

To tell you the truth? After almost 5 months of separation (I mean, I resigned from my work in Macau and went back to Phil then left him work there alone), I thought that our baby would not come near him the first day that they meet again. My baby was almost 8 months old when we went back to Phil, and my husband came home when she was 1 yr old. But what happened? She just stared at his daddy's face wondering, then later on, she go and play with him!

We fetched him from NAIA 3

That was not really surprising though! But the following days? There were times that she don't want to go away from her dad, even I personally getting her from him, even his Lolo tatay and tito ninongs who were her BESTFRIENDS in strolling? He don't go with them when she is with her daddy. She just love to be carried by her dad. Wow.. That was really amazing. A real daddy's girl!

I knew the reasons why.

Why my baby still recognize his dad, still feel his dad.. It's just simply because he is just literally away, but not REALLY. He's just always "here". The moment that he wakes up in the morning, he will say hello to us in viber, or skype, or wechat! His company break time, he is spending his 30 mins chatting with us. Even the time he is waiting for the bus to go home, he's chatting. The moment he arrive the house, enters the room, or go to bed. He will tell us. And even the most boring and even the funniest event of the day, he doesn't miss to tell! That is how he handle us, even miles apart, he NEVER let us feel it. That is why I can raise my child unafraid. He always let us feel that he's just right beside us.. watching us.. guiding us.. supporting us.

And for that, I am so thankful. I'm thankful that I do not feel alone. I feel like we're still together and helping each other out.. and my answer to my Blog's question is = NO. It depends. and in my case, it is a big NO. And I hope some couples away from each other can learn something from this. Just be strong, and trust each other. You're tied as one, and you will never be apart.

Family who trust one another and have faith in each other, stays together, stays FOREVER!

See? 

A Nightmare that made me Smile.. :))

I came one night.. so disappointed because my partner promised to fetch me from work, but I've waited and went home just to found him sleeping!! Still, even though I was sad and disappointed again, I brought him Doritos, his favorite midnight snack while we're watching Pokemon episodes (we love it as much as kids love to watch it!) Then, I was waking him up:
 (pushing him slightly)..
Me: Pah.. hoy... ang bad mo.. promise mo sunduin mo ko ah? tapos tutulugan mo lang pala ko?

(He has no reaction) I thought he's still so sleepy so he don't want to be bothered. I was still trying to wake him up. But he turned his back like I feel he's already awake but was really trying to avoid conversation with me.

I didn't stop waking him up, until I saw his tears falling. I was bothered why? I asked myself if I did something wrong. Then I kept on asking but his tears kept on falling.

Then after 15mins, he finally talked. He said: Kuha ka muna pagkain, kain tayo, saka ko kwento sayo..
..................................................................................................................................................................
It's about me. He said I am bad that's why he's crying. But I was still full of questions, because I didn't know anything wrong that I've just done.
Then, he continue telling the story. I've learned that he was dreaming. It's about me and a third party. (Duh?!) Well, recently, we always have misunderstanding because he was just quite hardheaded. (tsk.) I once told him then that I want to go back in the Philippines (magsusumbong ako sa lola ko :p ). Seriously, I thought of giving him up. Maybe it enters into his mind so he dreamed about it.
The dream wasn't true, and I don't think of doing such things but I guess it's a lesson for him.
When I realized that he cried because of that dream, I also realize how much he still love and cherish me thought he's not that expressive person. (Kasi minsan duda nako eh, hehe)

So.. Even though for him, that's quite a nightmare, it really did make me smile somehow. :)

What really brings "HAPPINESS"?

Have you ever asked yourself what  can really make you happy? Have you ever thought if you're really contented in your current life?


I am in doubt. I doubt my own happiness.. I thought for so long that I will become completely happy If I am already beside the person I most loved. But I guess, I am wrong. Just being near to him isn't enough. Having enough income isn't also the one who can make me completely happy. Buying all the things I want isn't too. But now, I still have no idea what really brings happiness.

sad? in doubt? confused?

Is it within yourself? Is it because of others? One author have said:

"It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on." - Sharon Salzberg

So maybe it is true. It is just within ourselves. It is on the way we think. Only ourselves and nothing but ourselves can bring us happiness. Not someone. Maybe sometimes, they became the reasons, but to be happy or not? It is our choice I think.. 

Badly missing CDSR

Having Crazy dudes in my life have been a very huge blessing from God that I can't thanked enough. I grew up with them.Since elementary days until we have finished our degree. Even after we're working, we were always together. Bakit hindi, eh ilang meters lang ang bahay namin from each other? haha. Kaya feeling ko, we're really destined to be friends. We all have the same feelings, dreams and beliefs since we were young, even though there are few changes as we grow old.

It's so hard to leave my friends, but I had to go away to earn a living. Ganun talaga, kasi mahirap ang buhay sa Pinas. And now ko lang realize, that it is indeed very hard to find real friends whom I can lean on and trust like I do with them. Here, I have to have huge adjustments, not just with regards to my work, but also with my environment. I am a kind of person who wants to make more friends, and I trust each one that I've met. But, I was so wrong. I've already heard rumors that in this place, ibang klase ang mga tao, and they have already warned me not to trust them all, but I still did. (hard headed nga eh). As times passed by, I have heard feedbacks about me, some from my trusted colleagues. Funny. I have no idea that they talk about me when I wasn't with them. Funny, they even talk nonsense things about me, and I don't know that some are observing how I work and evaluate me with their friends. Now I proved what they say. This is a new and wild environment, I have to be careful because it's not the same world that I began to live with. They are not like my friends that I grew with. I barely know them all. That is why, this really made me realize that nothing compares with CDSR. I badly missed my old times with them and I really want to spend time again with Crazy Dudes.