A Nightmare that made me Smile.. :))

I came one night.. so disappointed because my partner promised to fetch me from work, but I've waited and went home just to found him sleeping!! Still, even though I was sad and disappointed again, I brought him Doritos, his favorite midnight snack while we're watching Pokemon episodes (we love it as much as kids love to watch it!) Then, I was waking him up:
 (pushing him slightly)..
Me: Pah.. hoy... ang bad mo.. promise mo sunduin mo ko ah? tapos tutulugan mo lang pala ko?

(He has no reaction) I thought he's still so sleepy so he don't want to be bothered. I was still trying to wake him up. But he turned his back like I feel he's already awake but was really trying to avoid conversation with me.

I didn't stop waking him up, until I saw his tears falling. I was bothered why? I asked myself if I did something wrong. Then I kept on asking but his tears kept on falling.

Then after 15mins, he finally talked. He said: Kuha ka muna pagkain, kain tayo, saka ko kwento sayo..
..................................................................................................................................................................
It's about me. He said I am bad that's why he's crying. But I was still full of questions, because I didn't know anything wrong that I've just done.
Then, he continue telling the story. I've learned that he was dreaming. It's about me and a third party. (Duh?!) Well, recently, we always have misunderstanding because he was just quite hardheaded. (tsk.) I once told him then that I want to go back in the Philippines (magsusumbong ako sa lola ko :p ). Seriously, I thought of giving him up. Maybe it enters into his mind so he dreamed about it.
The dream wasn't true, and I don't think of doing such things but I guess it's a lesson for him.
When I realized that he cried because of that dream, I also realize how much he still love and cherish me thought he's not that expressive person. (Kasi minsan duda nako eh, hehe)

So.. Even though for him, that's quite a nightmare, it really did make me smile somehow. :)

What really brings "HAPPINESS"?

Have you ever asked yourself what  can really make you happy? Have you ever thought if you're really contented in your current life?


I am in doubt. I doubt my own happiness.. I thought for so long that I will become completely happy If I am already beside the person I most loved. But I guess, I am wrong. Just being near to him isn't enough. Having enough income isn't also the one who can make me completely happy. Buying all the things I want isn't too. But now, I still have no idea what really brings happiness.

sad? in doubt? confused?

Is it within yourself? Is it because of others? One author have said:

"It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on." - Sharon Salzberg

So maybe it is true. It is just within ourselves. It is on the way we think. Only ourselves and nothing but ourselves can bring us happiness. Not someone. Maybe sometimes, they became the reasons, but to be happy or not? It is our choice I think.. 

Badly missing CDSR

Having Crazy dudes in my life have been a very huge blessing from God that I can't thanked enough. I grew up with them.Since elementary days until we have finished our degree. Even after we're working, we were always together. Bakit hindi, eh ilang meters lang ang bahay namin from each other? haha. Kaya feeling ko, we're really destined to be friends. We all have the same feelings, dreams and beliefs since we were young, even though there are few changes as we grow old.

It's so hard to leave my friends, but I had to go away to earn a living. Ganun talaga, kasi mahirap ang buhay sa Pinas. And now ko lang realize, that it is indeed very hard to find real friends whom I can lean on and trust like I do with them. Here, I have to have huge adjustments, not just with regards to my work, but also with my environment. I am a kind of person who wants to make more friends, and I trust each one that I've met. But, I was so wrong. I've already heard rumors that in this place, ibang klase ang mga tao, and they have already warned me not to trust them all, but I still did. (hard headed nga eh). As times passed by, I have heard feedbacks about me, some from my trusted colleagues. Funny. I have no idea that they talk about me when I wasn't with them. Funny, they even talk nonsense things about me, and I don't know that some are observing how I work and evaluate me with their friends. Now I proved what they say. This is a new and wild environment, I have to be careful because it's not the same world that I began to live with. They are not like my friends that I grew with. I barely know them all. That is why, this really made me realize that nothing compares with CDSR. I badly missed my old times with them and I really want to spend time again with Crazy Dudes.